The greatest fear in my life is the thought of letting people down. This weighs heavily on my heart, from those who hold no real significance in my life to the ones I cherish more than anything. The line that resonates with me so deeply is, “Gotta hide the hurt, cause what is worse? Losing me or them?” It’s painfully true; I would sooner lose myself and the essence of who I am than face the agonizing reality of losing the important people in my life.

Sometimes, I question if I’ve got the guts to keep waking up
So I hide, so no one sees me on the ledge when I’m about to jump
It’s embarrassing, preaching how to save when I’m perishing

I can’t Do this any more

Wait.. yes I can
Gotta “be a man”
Gotta hide the hurt, cause what’s worse? Losing me or them?
No matter what I do, I lose regardless
I feel so heartless
That’s why I’m always wrestling with who I am
And everybody’s watching me
Don’t wanna let em down. But I..

I truly understand the right answer. I realize that my own fears shape not only who I am but also how I treat the people I care about. Deep down, I know they love me for simply being me, but who I am is just scared of letting them down. Scared of them seeing me struggle.

Recently, I’ve found myself facing some incredibly difficult choices. Generally, my choices are a matter of weighing my own happiness against the happiness of another. Or choosing between someone I deeply love and someone I barely know. But this time, it’s about the happiness of multiple people I cherish profoundly—my family and loved ones, who mean the world to me. There’s no room for compromise or middle ground. It’s starkly black and white, yet a choice must be made. My choice will inevitably shatter the heart of someone I love. How do I navigate this turmoil? How do I decide who will bear the weight of the pain and heartache?