The biggest fear in my life is letting people down. This ranges from people who have no real significance to my life, to those that I love more than anything. The line that hits me so hard it “Gotta hide the hurt, cause what is worse? Losing me or them?” It’s true, I would rather lose myself and who I am, than lose the people in my life that are important.

Sometimes, I question if I’ve got the guts to keep waking up
So I hide, so no one sees me on the ledge when I’m about to jump
It’s embarrassing, preaching how to save when I’m perishing

I can’t Do this any more

Wait.. yes I can
Gotta “be a man”
Gotta hide the hurt, cause what’s worse? Losing me or them?
No matter what I do, I lose regardless
I feel so heartless
That’s why I’m always wrestling with who I am
And everybody’s watching me
Don’t wanna let em down. But I..

I know the right answer. I know that my own fears dictate who I am and how I treat people. I know that they love me for who I am, but who I am is just scared of letting them down. Scared of them seeing me struggle.

Recently I have had to make some tough choices. General the choice is between my happiness and someone else’s. Or between someone I love and someone I don’t really know. However, this time it’s between the happiness of multiple people that I love and that I care about deeply. Family, and loved ones that are the world to me. There is no compromise or middle ground. It is black and white, but a choice has to be made. MY CHOICE, will crush someone I love. How do I make this happen? How do I decide who to inflict the pain and hate onto?