When a person is relentlessly pushed to their limits and overwhelmed by the strain of life, something will give. For some, drinking becomes an escape or a desperate attempt to drown the pain. Others may spiral into the depths of despair, grappling with a darkness that feels insurmountable. Tragically, some people in their anguish find themselves at the edge of an abyss so deep that they contemplate the unthinkable act of ending their own life.

The weight of stress in my life has pushed me to a new point, a numb point. I’ve retreated into a defensive shell, where the moment my emotions threaten to surface, I instinctively shove them away, leaving an empty void in their wake. It’s a chilling experience, one that goes far beyond merely pushing aside my feelings or masking them with something else. No, this is a profound and haunting absence of emotion—a disconnection from the very essence of what it means to feel. There are times when I recognize that I should be engulfed in something—joy, sorrow, anger—but instead, I find myself grasping at any emotion.

I was the life of the party, now I hardly speak
Fill my cup with regrets and haunted memories
I pour up this poison so sweet on my tongue
Oh god, it feels good to be numb

In this void of feelings, my laughter has been silenced, my tears evaporated into the void. Anger, finds no place to ignite, leaving behind an unsettling stillness. A smile would indicate a feeling. A tear would signal pain or sadness. Yet all that remains is a haunting emptiness. This state of being echoes the “Nothing” from The Never Ending story, a relentless void that defies understanding.