Family – Ah, the intricate tapestry of human connection! Some believe that family is blood, insisting that regardless of the circumstances, you must stand by them and offer your unwavering support. Others argue that friends can forge bonds even stronger than those of family. There are those who carry the scars of having been hurt or deeply let down by their own family. Yet, there are some whose families have been a source of love and strength, guiding them through the challenges of life.
I honestly don’t know where I stand. It’s hard to figure out if I’ve let them down or if they’ve let me down. Should I hold on to the hope that they’ll be there for me when I need them, or should I come to terms with the idea of facing my life alone?
Taste bitter on a guilty tongue
It’s hard to see I’m the chosen one
Fake friends with a camera phone
Ugly, drunk, cold and missin’ home
This home of mine, I see it in my dreams
But everyone looks happy, and everyone still likes me
This home of mine, I miss it all the time
What happened to this family? What happened to this family?
I let you down
Texts, calls, hugs, birthday cards
Being thoughtful can be so hard
First 15 years I’m the favourite son
Last 15 years I’m the hated one
This heart of mine gets blacker all the time
Affection makes me nauseous
Believe me, I don’t want this
I hurt my blood tonight, I made my sisters cry
I never say ‘I love you’ even though I want to
I’m just my father’s son, my mother’s kid
A shitty brother, I’m nobody’s friend
And this is all my fault, I only make you cry
I don’t deserve this family, you’re better off without me
‘Cause I let you down and I lost my fucking mind
And everything got messy and everyone got angry
I cursed my blood tonight, it happens all the time
Is everyone against me? Has everyone goddamned me?
What happened to this family?
What happened to this family?
What happened to this family?
What happened to this family?
Don’t hate me, don’t hate me
Don’t let me drown
I hate goodbyes, so cringy I could die
We only say ‘I love you’ ’cause that’s what we’re supposed to
And most families lie, but I meant it every time
And treat you like you’re worthless, I never said I’m perfect
Maybe my biggest issue is that I realize I’ve hurt them throughout my life as well. So they, like me, choose not to lower their own lives to lift mine. Perhaps I need to embrace a deeper understanding.
Or maybe, when I find myself in struggle, I should hold no expectations, and carry that same mindset even when the clouds clear. I genuinely wonder if it would be easier to simply let go and move forward.