Flaws in personality are a part of being human. We all have them. Some people can be surprisingly mean, while others seem compelled to always ‘one up’ a story. Some are overly confident, while others, deep down, believe they are the worst and will tell everyone they are. As I reflect on my own life, I realize that my struggle lies in a diminished sense of self-worth.

I had a job interview years back, and the one question that put me off of what I was expecting was “What are you looking for in a salary, what is your worth?”

I couldn’t answer that question. I find myself all too often fixated on what I believe others are perceiving, and the judgments they might be making. I recognize the things I do well, but then gradually begin to dissect the flaws in my efforts.

The song that inspired this was “Thoughts” by Sasha Sloan. I attempted to pull the lyrics that resonated deeply with me, but honestly, the whole song captures the way my mind operates perfectly. I make jokes about myself to beat anyone else from doing it. It’s like a defense mechanism – I preemptively strike at myself to guard against the hurt that might come from others.

To hit even closer to home is the following line:

The voice inside my head that’s tellin’ me I’m okay
Entertain it for a second, then I push it away
Yeah, I swear to God I’m tryin’, but I don’t know how to be
How to be a good friend to me.

I know the truth, I can see it and reach for it with all my heart. But I will falter and inevitably slip back into the only way I know how to exist. Though I don’t have all the answers, I will keep striving. What more can I ask of myself?